I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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