I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
