They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
