After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
