I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
