i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize