even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
