just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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