The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
