3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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