Swine flu is the new snow day.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Couch. On fire.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
