u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
