We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
