your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
