The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
