Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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