Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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