PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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