She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize