dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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