He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
