atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
