Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize