Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
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if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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