I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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