Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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