Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
