I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
