I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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