Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
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I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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