hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
