I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
