I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
