Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
