The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
