i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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