fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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