All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
