I think im going to throw up on grandma
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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