I wish I could punch you in the face.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
