I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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