Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
