The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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