Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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