Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
