He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
