I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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