I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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