Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
