I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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