Your mouth is God's brothel.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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