I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
