i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
