he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
