He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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