I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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