Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
