just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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