If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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