Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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